Yes, Bear is a huge help to me, he is there when I need him, he makes me laugh with the things he does (like see how many different things he can pick up and put in his mouth…), he helps break the ice with people and so on and so forth… But it seems that when I finally start going out and getting more comfortable with being out in public, something happens where it all comes crashing down and I just don’t know how to handle it at times!  Right now my way of dealing with it is hiding back in my house again until I can work up the courage to get back out there.

If you are wondering what happened, I’ll explain.  I tried to go out the day after Christmas shopping with Bear and Mom.  We stopped in a store where I had been before with him with no issues at all.  This time, it just felt like even more people were staring at us.  Not just staring, but making rude comments about there being a dog in there.  I tried to ignore it and we went about getting whatever things we needed and went to the check out line.  At this point it went downhill pretty fast.  I heard a lady making a big deal about the dog.  Talking VERY loud saying, “No way, BIG BLACK DOG!  I’m not getting NEAR that dog!  That dog will BITE me.. Big black DOG!” She just kept going on and on and on.  She let some people in line in front of her.. I was shaking and I think on the verge of passing out because my heart was racing so fast.  The lady in front of her tried to say, “Well I think it is a seeing eye dog or something…” and the other lady went on to say, “I don’t CARE what kind of dog it is!”.  At this point I turned back and looked her in the eyes.  I just looked at her.  I was shocked that anyone could be so ignorant of other people or ignorant of the world around them.  I wanted her to realize I could hear her.  I am not deaf.  I am not blind.  I am not stupid.  I am like this because unlike 99% of Americans, I enlisted in the military and served my country and this is what I get?!  I was shaking so bad I could hardly swipe my card or type in my PIN.  I couldn’t take my receipt any faster and I couldn’t leave any faster.

When I got home I just fell back into a slump.  I haven’t left the house since then.  How on Earth do I balance people like that with my own urges to be normal and my desires to function normal and on a healthy level??

I’ve been trying to get back into school and I planned on starting in the Spring semester, but even though I did everything that was required of me, I have other people I have to wait on for responses before I can enroll.  I did what was asked of me and I was finished with everything everyone wanted by December 18th.. and here it is the 28th and I still have no idea if I will be allowed to start in the spring.  By the time I get an answer classes will be filled up and I worry that I will have lost my motivation by the Summer semester.  I really was hoping that Bear and I could get in there and get situated before this motivation left me.  I think once summer comes around I will probably not want to start a new school.  I will be looking forward to the days with my kids at the pool.  If I were able to get in this coming semester, then I would be at a point where it’s just routine to be going.  I’m just disappointed in a lot of things right now.

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