I have done a few media interviews to raise awareness of both female veteran’s issues as well as try to relieve some of the stigma attached to PTSD.  Initially I would read the comments section.  I don’t know why.  I think I was searching for someone to say something that would magically make my guilt fade away but usually, mixed in there with all the supportive comments would be the comments that were just plain ignorant and hurtful.  I remember the first time I read comments that were like that and how they sent me spiraling downward.  I would spend a few days feeling so unworthy of anything and the words that they carelessly wrote would resonate through my head… taking my therapy a step or two back.  I felt on one hand that I had no business getting involved with interviews and media, but the part of me that is willing to sacrifice for everyone else would always come through.  I knew I had to do these for the other veterans who were sitting at home dealing with the same guilt, frustration, isolation and loneliness that I was dealing with.  Had I known there were others like me 5 years ago, I would have possibly accepted my diagnosis sooner and sought help.

So in every crowd there is the question about how a female Air Force Airman could possibly get PTSD.  I wonder if these people have ever heard of para-rescuemen?   Do they think that these special forces men are helicopter mechanics as well?  How do they think the aircraft (C130s and HH60s) maintain airworthiness?  Do they think that the PJ’s are the only Air Force people on base?  Perhaps they feel that Air Force people value themselves over Army, Navy or Marines and that they don’t send their people in?  Maybe they think that helicopters have amazing fuel efficiency and that all the Air Force people are on a beach in Spain eating steak every night?  Perhaps they think that the Iraqi people have a very special place in their heart for Air Force so they make sure to not morter our little section of the base?  This all sounds silly when you see it laid out right?  When people make those comments I can’t help but think they must believe one of these points.

So while in D.C. I had the honor of meeting a few other female veterans.  One was an Army jump master (oh, but that can’t be!) who was with the 82nd Airborne (gasp! not females!).  Another female was an Air Force Capt. who helped set up Balad as an Air Force combat base.  I also met a woman who has a Purple Heart who was a Platoon leader for the military police.  We were sitting around, a few of these ladies and I, talking about different media things we had done for IAVA.  I was shocked that they too got comments such as mine.  I realized in that moment, that it wouldn’t matter if I singlehandedly took out the entire Iraqi resistance by myself while perched on a rooftop… The fact remained that as long as I am female, or Air Force, or the combination of the two, I automatically am deemed “unworthy” by people.  For some reason, this realization made me feel better.  I can’t take it too personal that people believe in the Easter bunny, Santa, or that the PJ’s were also trained as helicopter maintainers…

I no longer read comments to articles.  I have come too far with my life since getting medically separated to let people get me down or set me back.  I have seen more than a handful of people who hold a Doctorates degree who agree that I have PTSD; so why let some yahoo who has nothing better to do with his time than post hateful things get me down or make me doubt myself?

4 thoughts

  1. In my experience, not a lot comes from comments in any article. I get fired up when I read the comment section on USAToday articles… I have to remind myself that it’s the same fools writing every day, and I definitely don’t want to adopt their mentality for any issues.

    I am proud of you for the road you have been down, and all you have accomplished. PTSD is an evil little booger, and you are coming along wonderfully. I had it nipped for years, then was attacked by a student in August and it came back full-force. It’s hard when my boss tells me I blow things out of proportion when I have bruises and blood dripping off my body… Yeah, it’s me being crazy… Didn’t sleep for 7 weeks, and there’s no coincident that I got very sick a month after…

    Keep up the good work!!! 🙂

    Like

  2. Hi Aimee,
    You are right to stop reading the newspaper comment sections. They are toxic for you and you don’t need an extra PTSD trigger.

    I get similar versions of less than charitable questions from people about my PTSD. I served in a time when we had no declared wars, so how could I possibly have PTSD?!

    I remain amazed at the poor taste of those people who have never been in the service, and who have not otherwise been in trauma, deciding they can judge the worthiness of your traumatic experiences and mine.

    When people do this, and especially when they degrade women’s military service, they are trying to cover up for their own physical insecurity and lack of compassion.

    Semper Pax, Dr. Z

    Like

  3. We’ve had the same issue with negative and very hurtful comments Aimee. They really bothered me more than Allen I think and they were usually said about him. We actually spent an entire counseling session talking about them and we all agreed to stop reading them. Know that you are doing a great job and helping pave the way for others!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s