I know, such an off topic post on here… I really got in to the Kardashian’s TV show after Khloe was on The Apprentice.  There isn’t a lot that I *really* get into on TV.  I like The Tudors, Ghost Hunters, Glee… But recently the Kardashian sisters have also been on the news (CNN.com about the curvy sis’s) so I thought I would throw this blog post up.  The reason behind the post is that while reading the CNN article about how they have been able to change what Hollywood deems as “beautiful”; tall, blonde, thin, blue eyes… And they are accepted not only because they are beautiful and have good business sense, but that they are easy to relate to as well.

This got me thinking about how PTSD is often seen in the minds of others as something that effects drunken old men or that it is an affliction that can easily be spotted.  There is so much work right now in the VSO communities to try and remove some of the stigma of PTSD and to open up the minds of others, as well as reach people who are going through the symptoms but are convinced that they don’t fit the “mold” (therefore never think to seek treatment).  I wish more celebrity types were able to help move the minds of others to also take up this cause.  Veterans only make up 1% of the population in the USA, so while we are a loud bunch of people and good at getting our voices heard, the help we get from caring supporters is never over-looked.  The chances of me becoming any sort of endearing celebrity is slim to none, so maybe some day, someone will Google “female veteran” or “bear the service dog” and come across my little ranting and rambling blog and maybe show it to someone who cares about the Veterans and wants to help.  Maybe the Kardashian publicists have Google alerts on the names and maybe they will see this? lol One can wish!!

Aside from that everything is as it always is.  The VA has an residential program for PTSD I am considering.  The problem, one of them anyway, is that if I go it is 6 weeks long.  I need to go, I feel like I need the structured therapy and problem solving, but I will miss school and I may be booted from the Voc Rehab I am in.  I feel like it would be good to go though.  I am also looking into going back on daily medications.  Even with having a nanny here I am still just as stressed out and short as ever… possibly more so.  Now I have the added stress of having another person around.  I feel weird when I am here and not taking care of the kids, but I feel weird when she is here not doing it.  I wonder if I made a mistake at times, but then other times I am so thankful. **sigh**

We went to St Louis though last week.  I tried so hard to just be calm and good and not a head case.  Didn’t work.  I barked at hubby, barked at the kids, barked at Bear (who just wouldn’t bark back).  I was stressed the whole time and forgot to bring my anti-anxiety medications so I didn’t hardly sleep.  I was crazy stressed and paranoid at the game and at the park and pretty much everywhere!  It was on the trip I decided I needed to go back on the medication that numbs me.  I lose all emotion on it but I think it would make everyone else happy.  I am so stressed out my body hurts because I am just tense all the time.  It sucks.

Here is a picture of Bear and I at a Cardinal’s game (they lost but I still enjoyed it).

4 thoughts

  1. Have you talked to Voc Rehab? I think they can, basically, pause your program if you need to take time for a break, to include something like a residential program. Their purpose (supposedly) is to acknowledge you have more struggles than the average student and to help you succeed regardless of that.

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    1. When I last spoke with my counselor she said if I had more “incidents” (since I keep getting doctors telling me to stop school) then they would need to look into independent living program. I just don’t know what to do any more.

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