We went to Florida for about a week and I decided that if I had a condo on a beach I would be much more relaxed!! Listening to the waves and seeing the deep blue water with the moon dancing on the water at night was so calming and peaceful. I didn’t need my medication once the whole time.
I am back home and back to reality.. My mind is racing and I am so stressed out. I need help with the running of the house now more than ever. I love my kids more than anything and it breaks my heart that I am not the mommy they deserve. I beat myself up so much when it comes to them. I let my insecurities about my mothering skills interfere with ever really getting to interact with them on a level they deserve. When we were on the beach I felt more comfortable as a mom. I watched my son laugh and smile and love on me. My daughter (though sick with ear aches and a molar growing in) was actually enjoying herself and all about wanting to be with mommy. It was nice!