As a family we have decided that I should go back on my daily medications. I blogged before about my apprehensions about this because I feel like I lose a part of my personality that I do enjoy (you know, the somewhat creative side…). So I did start back on my medications around the time of my birthday. I guess they are working because people have mentioned I seem more relaxed. I’m not really relaxed, I am just too tired to care about things. I don’t leave the house really unless I have to. I no longer sing to my favorite songs on the radio (which some are thankful for, I must admit…). I don’t find the joy in the few things I did find joy in before. And this is supposed to help how? At least everyone around me seems happier about it.
At what point is this helping? Are you supposed to live your life in a way that makes you happy and gives you joy? Or are you supposed to live your life in a way that makes others happy and gives them joy? I tell you what, my life has been a little easier since being on it. Even though the full effect hasn’t had time to kick in, people are treating me different going on about how much better I seem. In turn no one is on my case about little things any more. In the mean time, I have a hard time walking or standing up for very long. I feel sick all the time. I have no appetite. I have a hard time showing any emotion other than the straight face that has become my expression. My mouth is dry constantly. I can’t sleep I am so jittery. I can’t hardly function I am so tired. But everyone else seems happy with all of this so I need to just accept that this is my life.
I am trying to figure a way to get a mobility handle for Bear though. If I had him to help me walk and stand I think it would help. I can’t walk a straight line right now. I just don’t know what kind to get, do I need to train him with it? How do I do this? I need him. :o(
I start back to school today and now I am going to have to literally stumble through the school with Bear.