As a family we have decided that I should go back on my daily medications.  I blogged before about my apprehensions about this because I feel like I lose a part of my personality that I do enjoy (you know, the somewhat creative side…).  So I did start back on my medications around the time of my birthday.  I guess they are working because people have mentioned I seem more relaxed.  I’m not really relaxed, I am just too tired to care about things.  I don’t leave the house really unless I have to.  I no longer sing to my favorite songs on the radio (which some are thankful for, I must admit…).  I don’t find the joy in the few things I did find joy in before.  And this is supposed to help how?  At least everyone around me seems happier about it.

At what point is this helping?  Are you supposed to live your life in a way that makes you happy and gives you joy?  Or are you supposed to live your life in a way that makes others happy and gives them joy?  I tell you what, my life has been a little easier since being on it.  Even though the full effect hasn’t had time to kick in, people are treating me different going on about how much better I seem.  In turn no one is on my case about little things any more.  In the mean time, I have a hard time walking or standing up for very long.  I feel sick all the time.  I have no appetite.  I have a hard time showing any emotion other than the straight face that has become my expression.  My mouth is dry constantly.  I can’t sleep I am so jittery.  I can’t hardly function I am so tired.  But everyone else seems happy with all of this so I need to just accept that this is my life.

I am trying to figure a way to get a mobility handle for Bear though.  If I had him to help me walk and stand I think it would help.  I can’t walk a straight line right now.  I just don’t know what kind to get, do I need to train him with it?  How do I do this?  I need him.  :o(

I start back to school today and now I am going to have to literally stumble through the school with Bear.

4 thoughts

  1. I think you need to try a different medication. You should still have feelings and enjoy things on medication. I had a doctor explain to me once that part of the importance of getting on medication was to give your brain a break and help it heal. Because of what we have been through our brains do not properly create and release certain chemicals. By getting on the right balance of medication and sticking with it continuously for at least a year you can help your brain to rest and rebalance.

    I am not sure what you take now, but knowing the VA it is an SSRI? (zoloft or something like that) Maybe talk to you doctor about trying a trycyclic antidepressant (like disiprimine) For some reason the VA won’t prescribe them unless you ask, but after trying other stuff I had huge success with these types of medications. I felt like me, but more stable.

    I think medication can be a valuable tool, but it has to be the right stuff. You now how to reach me if you have any questions but I think it is someone you should talk to your doc more about.

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    1. The VA won’t prescribe it to me until I have gone through two other cheaper meds first. I tried to tell them that the Air Force tried those meds without success and they just made me sick and never worked (actually one made me worse). I am hoping that going through a civilian to get the medications, when I go back to see a head doc that the pharmacy at the VA will go ahead and start prescribing them to me. Now that most of the side effects are over I am actually feeling a little better. :o)

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      1. I am glad to hear your feeling a little better. The tricyclic antidep. Are really cheap, I think I use to pay $12 a month with no insurance to get them. If the VA keeps being difficult maybe a campus doc can help you out. Anywho hang in there. It was worth it for me to find a drug that worked, I hope you can get the same results.

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  2. I agree with Casey. Talk to your doctor and let him/her know whats going on and that you are unhappy with your current medication. If they do not listen, go to the patient advocate and inform them of your un happiness with your provider. If they are any good, then you will see someone new. If not, then I would go to your facility directors office and make an appt with that person. Hang in there!

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